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Warrior Cats: The Four Clans -> Journals -> Goldies Journal. ||August 30th, 2011||
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TOPIC: Goldies Journal. ||August 30th, 2011||
Goldheart


ThunderClan Warrior

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RE: Goldies Journal. ||December 30th|| Wonderland!
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Wonderland!

Talk about an amazing experience!
This musical was insanely amazing. No lie. I would suggest it to anyone!

Not only was it completely and utterly amazing, it helped me in a way I never thought possible.
I have always been the bubbly girl, who believes in fairy tales, and who wishes for love like no one else.
And after my ex ripped all of those dreams out of me. I decided not to believe in love, I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted nothing to do with the little girl that lay within me.
But that musical helped me to realize, sometimes your younger self is what will make everything perfect in the end.
People will always be nagging you to do this and that, but if you are true to yourself, and you be yourself, and you know who you are, everything will turn out just fine!
And no, your name does NOT define who you are, my name may be Taylor.
But that's not ME.

I'm an actress, and a friend to many. I love music with all my heart.
And I love God. More than my own life.
And above all things, I believe in LOVE.
There is a love story out there for me somewhere, and I'll find it. =]




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Amourapaw


ThunderClan Medicine Cat Apprentice

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Posts: 3612
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goldylocks! (: i am truly sorry for your relationship, if you want me to be, but if you don't, then i am truly happy for you that you guys ended it! 'cause I can completely understand you. That happened to me, just now my ex won't even talk to me. and it still hurts deep inside, and i still miss his laugh and his hugs, but i'm okay with it. because that's how god planned it.
but i totally need to see a musical. a'cause i have never seen one before :p yeah yeah, laugh. but i will soon!
if you could, could you PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE give me the deets. on what the musical was about? I'd LOVE it if you could!

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darlin',
you're hiding in the closet
once again, start smiling.
I know you're tryin', real hard
not to turn your head away
pretty darling, face tomorrow
tomorrow's not yesterday. <3

 
Goldheart


ThunderClan Warrior

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Posts: 7257
Date:
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=] That's what I keep telling myself! Its all part of God's plan =] And yea, I miss him a lot, he was there for me for a year, and its hard to get used to life without him, but the good thing is I will! And I will send you a message as to not spoil anything for anyone if anyone decides to see it =]

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Florestadream


RiverClan Warrior

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Date:
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i'm glad you're such a strong girl, goldie. i think that it's amazing that you can love so much, and get through such hard times, not without difficulty, but better than i myself could. and your name doesn't define you. [ however, my friends made a definiteion for my name, and it said, "Please see ____." and put my last name it just went back and forth it was kinda funny. ^^' ] and things may hurt, but i think the best thing about life, is that it usually gets better, and if you went through hard times, something will happen to make your life better by the same ammount as how much you hurt.

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07.08.13

okay, then.
unfortunately loving an idiot
who doesn't love me back.
but i'm not falling.
i just kind of...
am.
. 
Goldheart


ThunderClan Warrior

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Posts: 7257
Date:
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=] Thank you so so so much! You really have no idea how much that means to me =] And your signature, I love it! And you're right, life does always seem to get better and give you happiness in the end, Thank you again! You've put a huge smile on my face :D and my heart <:)3

-- Edited by Goldheart on Thursday 31st of December 2009 10:48:28 PM

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Goldheart


ThunderClan Warrior

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Posts: 7257
Date:
RE: Goldies Journal. ||December 31st|| The Experiance.
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If you have not read Mosspaw's most recent journal entry, you should. I can't explain it besides, well, horrifying. And it gets you thinking.
I'm about to post something on here that I never thought I would, the only people who know about it are my family, and Ebbs. That's it. But, I think it's time I shared it. It'll be up soon.


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Amourapaw


ThunderClan Medicine Cat Apprentice

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Posts: 3612
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oh..
i don't know what to say.
i'm kinda upset for me and you at the same time -_-
but we'll stay strong. cause that's girl powah (:

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darlin',
you're hiding in the closet
once again, start smiling.
I know you're tryin', real hard
not to turn your head away
pretty darling, face tomorrow
tomorrow's not yesterday. <3

 
Goldheart


ThunderClan Warrior

Status: Offline
Posts: 7257
Date:
Permalink  

haha fo sho! =] Girl Powah WOO! *punches fist into air* =]

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Amourapaw


ThunderClan Medicine Cat Apprentice

Status: Offline
Posts: 3612
Date:
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(: haha, i knew it. sistahs (: GIRL POWAHH!

__________________
darlin',
you're hiding in the closet
once again, start smiling.
I know you're tryin', real hard
not to turn your head away
pretty darling, face tomorrow
tomorrow's not yesterday. <3

 
Goldheart


ThunderClan Warrior

Status: Offline
Posts: 7257
Date:
RE: Goldies Journal. ||December 31st|| The Experiance. (It's sort of frighting, so read at your own risk.)
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She honestly had no idea why she was here. Nor what was going to happen. Was she here because of something she said? The way she was acting? She couldn't tell you. All she knew was that she was terrified. Completely and utterly terrified. Everything smelled of a sterile hospital. The gown they had put her in was itchy and uncomfortable. They forced her to take off all of her clothes so they could examine them before she was admitted. She as told her room would be ready shortly. So she sat back and waited. And waited. And waited.  There was no window, nor clock to let her know what time it was. But it felt like an eternity. When a nurse finally came for her, she was taken to a room, where she again, waited. It wasn't until then that she found out that she had been in the lobby for six in a half hours. They gave her back her clothes and she quickly changed. Then, a huge man took her to her room. She couldn't really see, all she could make out was two beds, one empty and one with the shape of a body. She crawled into a stony mattress and began to cry. All she wanted was her own bed, and to see the smiling faces of her family again.
She didn't remember falling asleep but she must have, because the next thing she knew was screaming and yelling in the room that she was staying in. The girl sharing a room with her was putting up a fight with a nurse. A few other people rushed in, one with a large needle and stuck it into the girl. She was put on a rolling bed, and was strapped to it. No one bothered to apologize for the noise, they just left. And again, she cried herself to sleep.
She was awoken again by a woman saying it was time for breakfast. She got up and followed her, there were others, four boys and three girls. They walked into what she guessed was a cafeteria, and she was given a tray with her name on it. She sat at a table with two other girls. "So, you the new girl?" One asked with a smile. The girl smiled slightly and nodded. "Guess so."
"What are you hear for?" Seemed to be the question on everyone's lips. She shrugged and answered, "Depression, I guess." Everyone nodded as if it was expected. Everyone continued to stare at their food. No one touched it. It was the most horrible tasting, smelling, looking food anyone could ever even think about eating.
After breakfast, it was shower time. She was relieved. A hot shower would do her some good, and she was actually pretty excited for it. She undressed and stepped in. She turned the water on and almost immediately jumped out. Cold. She turned it every which way she could, cold. Still. So she suffered through it and got out. She was sent back to her room, and she finally got the chance to take a look at it. One window, leading only into the hallway. White walls. White beds. White sheets, white tiled floor. It was horrible. She rolled over and fell asleep thinking of her family. She was awoken again by the same lady that woke her up, and she was ushering outside. They were supposed to go outside after every meal. She sat on a bench and watched. No one really talked to her, so she just sat there. Thinking. There was one person whom she was completely drawn to, she could't explain why, but she didn't push it. When she went back inside, they had a group meeting. Where the nurse was to ask all sorts of questions to everyone. She was called on second. "How are you today?" The nurse asked.
The girl nodded and answered quietly, "Fine."
"Feeling suicidal today?" The person that she was drawn to jerked their head up and stared at her. She shook her head no.
"Urges of cutting?" Again she shook her head no.
"Do you feel numb? Do you know what's going on around you?"
The girl sighed. "I'm fine. I know what's happening, and I know where I am. I'm perfectly aware of my surroundings." With that the nurse nodded and put notes down on her paper and went on to the next person. Her eyes locked with that one person and they both looked away as soon as it had happened. She was called in to see the doctor. He was freakishly tan with freakishly white teeth and huge bug eyes. He kept asking her really weird questions, like have you ever felt homicidal to anyone? Have you ever planned on carrying out ways to kill someone? How about yourself? All these questions were making her anxious and he took note of that. She answered no to all of them of course, but something told her he didn't believe her. And that agitated her. He prescribed her two pills and then she left. She sat back in the room with the other kids and waited. Lunchtime came. It was some type of chicken mush. That one person sat with her, and said, "You look sort of lonely" she smiled and shrugged. They both ish talked as they poked at their food. After lunch they went back outside, and her and that person talked for a few minutes. "By the way, my name is Chris." He held out his hand she shook it.
"Taylor" they went back inside and watched a movie. When it was over, they all just kinda sat there. Awkwardly.  She was called out because there was a phone call for her. Her dad. She broke down and realized how much she hated it here. Her dad told her she had to stay because the doctor considered her a threat to her family. She got really angry, a threat?! She was one of the most loving people out there, and he considered her a threat? She sure was thinking homicidal thoughts now. She got off the phone and sat quietly in the corner of a room with everyone else.  Dinner came, grilled cheese, it actually wasn't that bad. She covered up the growing feeling of terror. She hated the white walls. It had already felt like she had been there forever. Doctors had poked her with needles and tried to hold her down she they did so. Because she really hated needles. She just wanted to go home. And it was crazy how well her and Chris got along. It was nice to sorta have a friend in all this. They talked to each other as if they had known them for years. It felt good to have someone listen to her. And she listened to him. They knew that after this was all over, she would never see him again. And she guessed thats partly why they could talk about everything. They started playing cards, and she was called out again. Her dad had come in for visiting hours. The nurses told her he had been there for three hours trying to get her out. But he couldn't. Not yet anyway. She sat and talked with him. Dreading the goodbye that was soon to come. After he left, Chris and her talked some more. They could relate to what each other were saying, and they both listened. Bedtime. 9:00. It's funny what a room like that could do to a person.

So, I went through this about 2 months ago. And it was horrible. I had ONE really bad day, and my therapist was worried that I would turn to old habits. I USED to be suicidal. That's why I had a therapist in the first place. And she admitted me to this teen mental hospital. A place I should never have gone too. But, I wanted death to come to me so bad while I was in there. And Mossie's journal made me think about that. And it was the opposite for me. I was selfish for WANTING to die. I would have been free (well I thought) of this horrible world. But truth was, I would have left so many people behind who actually cared about me, who needed me, who NEEDS me. People I could help, I would have just left them behind. Death is such a scary thing, and its impossible to even know the full meaning behind it. Everyone has different views on it...
I know that this has made me a better person. I'm much stronger because of it.. And even though we may not understand it now, everything happens for a reason. EVERYTHING. That break up you know shouldn't have happened, or that person who died, or even something smaller. We don't know the reason yet. But we will.



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